But when the desire comes, it is a tree of life.
It's Sunday afternoon, late service in church. The lights are dimming and all the kids rush to their seats to get ready for Praise and Worship. I take my volunteer spot behind the left side of the room and watch the kids as they join in clapping with the leaders on stage. I notice two five year old boys sitting down, so I quietly tap their shoulders and encourage them to stand up. They do of course and it's not long before they are raising their hands worshipping Jesus along with everyone else in the room.
A thought creeps in while watching all these kids and mentally I panic. Will Lincoln be ready for this room in two years or will he have to stay in the Special Ed room? Even though it's two years away, I try to picture him in here doing what these kids do. I think about the Lincoln Logs in the back that he would be hard to pull away from. I'm pretty sure the stacking cups would excite him and if there is anything that resembles shapes, it's over! He would stay there and have no interest in the service.
So, I start thinking to myself, "Why does he need to be like these kids anyway? I mean, he wouldn't understand the service and he wouldn't be able to focus so why should I be concerned about him being with all the typical kids that he doesn't care about anyway? He's happier in his class just playing his puzzles anyway." I quickly realize where my thinking is going, nowhere fast, and I dismiss the thoughts and move back to watching the kids.
This is the kind of thinking I can not allow myself to do. I don't do it very often but here lately it's been getting the best of me despite all of the progress Linky is making. This kind of thinking did not get me where I am today. I had to choose to picture Lincoln doing typical things and I would think of those things when I felt hopeless. Believe me, I felt hopeless at times. When Lincoln was two and barely spoke sounds and just stood in the backyard dropping mulch over his head, it wasn't easy to believe he would talk one day! Yet, here he is today, talking like crazy and so very alert! I chose faith over fear and belief over doubt. I hung onto hope with every fiber of my being believing "he would know the right word to speak at the right time."It would be easier to keep my thinking right where it is, just accept it, accept him like he is, prepare for the future like he is, as a child with autism. Something inside me won't allow me to do that and NEVER has. Thank God I know better. Hope is hard...so very hard especially when everything in the natural shows otherwise. I can list dozens of scriptures on faith, speaking, believing healing and thought control that prove why I shouldn't let myself think in any other direction than UPward.
I'm hanging onto hope right now. I love the scripture at the top of this page, "hope deferred makes the heart sick, But WHEN the desire comes, it is the tree of life." I'm really holding onto "when it comes," right now. Why? Because I have experienced the refreshing of when it does come. My eyes light up and there are always tears flowing when Linky does something that I have been believing for. It's a time of refreshing and confirmation of my faith in THE ONE. But, I do have those times when I'm not seeing results in the natural as fast as I would like and I get nervous. I have to remind myself, "stay in the game, hang onto God's promises and keep believing!" God is faithful and I know my little guy will lose his Autism Diagnosis and function free from any barriers and he does this more and more daily! I will never accept it, I love him if he never changed a bit. However, I know that there is more to life for him than being mentally trapped and I wouldn't be doing him any good by believing he was meant to stay this way.
Never Give Up!
"You're an overcomer
Stay in the fight until the final round
You're not going under
God is holding you right now
You might be down for the moment, feeling like it's hopeless
that's when He reminds you...You're an OVERCOMER"